The Next Chapter

First of all, a special shout out to Michelle, an avid "Drum Major Blog" reader and Bushwacker color guard member who sent me some feedback via email. Thanks again and congratulations on winning high guard at finals!

So, it is official now...I have stepped down as the drum major of the Bushwackers. 9 years as a conductor and 12 years as a member...that's an awfully long chapter (with many sub-chapters) to have come to a close. It still hasn't completely sunk in, but I'm sure it will soon enough.

More details will follow in the coming weeks and months, but the long and short of it basically is that I want to arrange music, design shows, and teach. I have learned tons in my time with the Bushwackers and with the various high school programs I've taught and/or have written for over the last 12 years or so, and it's time. It's just time.

I've received a lot of emails and phone calls expression support and wishes of luck. I've also received some "less than happy" communications from various people as well. It's difficult for everyone, and I understand that. I wish I could make everyone understand, but I can't...and even if I could, understanding and acceptance are two different things.

So, onward.

I am where I am because of my experience with the Bushwackers. There were years when the corps was the only stable thing in my life. Early on, I was in college, then not in college...my family blew up...I had a hard time finding places to live, often having to move around from one friend's sofa to another...there were years when I didn't know where my next meal was coming from. Some of the worst years of my life. Through it all, at least I knew where I was going and what I was doing every weekend.

That's why, when it appeared as though the corps was going to fold in the late 90s and early 00s I fought so hard to do my part to keep it alive. I threw all of myself into the Bushwackers for years. Years. I lived, ate, breathed the Bushwackers from 2000-2007. I don't regret it. It was hard, but it was worth it....and in that time I grew as a man. I learned a lot about myself and what I'm capable of (and what I'm not). I came to grips with things, screwed a lot of things up, made amends, and moved on. I became the face of the organization, and it's going to be weird for me and for a lot of other people to hear someone else's name announced as the drum major before the show.

...but it's time. The Bushwackers have never been about the "superstar". Laurie Kunzle and Laurie Nielsen-Hall were great drum majors and led this corps to 6 world championships between them. There were no tributes when they stepped down. It was just time for someone else to step up and be what the Bushwackers needed from the position of drum major. Every corps needs and expects different things from their drum majors...even bands. It's different everywhere. It's an especially hard job at Bush. No job description is given to you, you're just expected to be the best and to do everything and anything asked or not asked of you. You simply have to BE the Bushwackers. That's the only way I can put it. To be an effective drum major that is respected by the members the way a drum major needs to be, you have to bleed magenta and blue. You have to eat magenta and blue. You have to BE the Bushwackers.

It's so hard to figure out what that even means. It took me years to realize that you have to get yourself to a point that when people think of the corps, they think of you. It's so hard to deal with the kind of pressure that sort of responsibility brings, but damn it that's drum corps. Drum majors shouldn't have it easy. Everyone else is out there busting their butts to be the best they can be. If you're going to have the big seat on the podium, you'd better already be the best you can be...and then prove it over and over again while constantly trying to be better than the best you can be.

9 years. One as the assistant to the amazing and legendary Laurie Nielsen-Hall. One as the co-drum major with drum corps legend, and the best baritone in drum corps history, Jerome Kimbrough. I was the longest tenured drum major in the history of the corps. I wore 7 different uniforms in that span. Man. Here's the whole Bushwacker DM lineage, because this is my blog, and I can make this as long as I want. :)

Bushwackers Drum Major Lineage

1982 - Jim Jordan & Mary Ellen Mc Cann
1983 - Dave Kapp & Al Di Croce
1984 - Mike Jedwabnik, Jim Dugan, John Hannigan
1985 - Matt Tracey
1986 - John Gough
1987 - Laurie Kunzle & Bob Tobin
1988 - Laurie Kunzle
1989 - Laurie Kunzle
1990 - Laurie Kunzle & Marie Kronyak(Downs)
1991 - Laurie Niesen(Hall) & Marie Kronyak(Downs)
1992 - Laurie Hall & Marie Kronyak(Downs)
1993 - Laurie Hall & Tom Willms
1994 - Laurie Hall & Tom Willms
1995 - Laurie Hall & Andrea Cassidy
1996 - Laurie Hall & Chris Kilian
1997 - April Golden
1998 - Jerome Kimbrough, Brian Law, Terrel Smith
1999 - Jerome Kimbrough & Chris Kilian
2000 - Chris Kilian & Dave Linton
2001 - Chris Kilian & Glennis Flint
2002 - Chris Kilian, Bob Stike & Steve Behnke
2003 - Chris Kilian & Dave Linton
2004 - Tom Willms & Dena Berry
2005 - Chris Kilian & Kris Gerace
2006 - Chris Kilian & Brian Law
2007 - Chris Kilian & Emily Fleck

I know so many of the people on this list...I'm marrying one of them. lol

In 1996 I was declared the assistant drum major by Dennis Argul after being at my first rehearsal at Harrison High School for all of 2 minutes. In 1997 I auditioned for the head position (Laurie had a baby the previous year, and needed to move and raise her family), and got cut in favor of April Golden. Needless to say, I was REALLY mad.

I'm glad it happened, though, because I got to march...I was in the trenches with the baritone line in 97, and marched soprano after auditioning for (and hating) Cadets and Crossmen that winter. I probably should have gone on tour, in hindsight, but it was a really terrible time in my life, and going back to Bush was exactly what I needed. Spending that kind of money and time on something all summer would have just made my situation worse...so Bush it was.

In 99, Dennis Argul made me drum major again. I conducted the ballad and closer from the podium. I had to wear the worst uniform ever...even worse than 96, when I had to wear a leopard print vest, white collarless dress shirt, and black pants and shoes. Of course, it didn't help that I wore my hair in a pony tail either. Someone should have smacked me.

In 00 Jerome decided to return to the horn line, and I was made the head drum major. That year we came in last in open class finals, and at nearly every show all year long. My worst drum corps memory was from that year, at finals. It started to rain during awards, but I proudly represented the Bushwackers on retreat. After we came in last, and awards were over, I turned to return to my drum corps just to find that they had already left the field and started back to the bus...without me. There are more terrible memories that follow that story, but this is the only one that's drum major related.

01 was great and trying all at the same time. There was a serious strain in the relationship between myself and the assistant DM that year, which really defined the summer for me. I learned a lot about leadership that summer, and became much the drum major I am today. 01 was a pivotal year as far as what type of DM I was to become, and in determining how much BS I was going to accept from ADM's and members.

02 was great, in the sense that I got to team up with one of my best friends. Bob Stike was thrown to the fire, because in one of his first weekends I got in a major car accident that nearly killed my girlfriend at the time, and rendered me completely unable to participate in rehearsals or parades that weekend. He tried hard, and earned a lot of respect from the corps that weekend. The quote of a lifetime came when Laurie Nielsen-Hall came up to rehearsal one day in Reading. I introduced her to Bob and she said to him "Oh, hi. Is Chris as mean to you as I was to him?" That meant a lot, because she was kind of mean. lol

03 was frustrating. I though we should have been a lot better than we were, but the whole year seemed disorganized. I tried to do my best as a drum major to keep things together, but there's only so much you can do.

In 04 I stepped down (for the first time) to take on a teaching role. I recruited my now fiancé' Dena to take my place, and she partnered up with former Bush ADM Tom Willms. I marched soprano and had a pretty good time. It was a nice break after such a rough year in 03.

In 05 I came back to the corps after leaving entirely to take on the brass caption head position at a division 3 corps. I quit because they didn't pay me and they kept canceling camps. The corps later folded, but before that happened I bailed and went back to the Bushwackers. I asked to be drum major again, teamed up with long time Bush'er Kris Gerace, and the corps surged that year under new brass leadership. We would have come in 2nd place, if not for that lousy penalty for trooping the stands at finals. It was a stupid mistake made by some smart people. It shouldn't have been a penalty anyway...according to DCA rules, it's a fine. So, we came in 2nd. Blah. No captions, though. I had a great time in 05...probably my favorite year ever, except that I realized that it sucks to march with your girlfriend when she's 4'11'' and marching with a baritone. Ugh.

In 06 I was in from the beginning. 25th anniversary and it was a good year. It took a while for us to come together as a corps, and we got beat pretty good for the first half of the year. At finals we took high brass and high guard. Accepting those awards on retreat was one of the highlights of my career...especially after representing us coming in last in 00. It was a lot of fun, and the parking lot run through afterwards was unreal. Following that run through was the now famous tirade by our director about coming back for "Two thousand f&*$ing seven!" Good times. I love when Jay gets all fired up and starts yelling things.

You know about 2007. If you don't, read all of my other posts. lol I knew from the outset that this would likely be my last season as the drum major. I didn't know about whether I was going to leave altogether or what. I could probably write a book about the pre-season and how some things went down over the course of the year, but I won't. My feelings basically boil down to this:

The Bushwackers are a hard fighting corps...I just wish they didn't have to fight so hard. They shouldn't have to.

I have a million memories and funny stories from my time with the Bushwackers. They're all swirling around the ol' noggin right now, but I will share them with whoever feels like reading them in some future posts.

I want to personally thank Laurie Hall for giving me a thick skin. How you were with me in 96 is how I needed you to be, although I didn't realize it at the time. I learned a lot from you. It wasn't easy trying to fill your shoes.

I want to thank the entire 1998 Bushwackers. The corps could have easily died, but we didn't let it. We first sang the corps song, and we cried many times together...but that drum corps established the foundation on which the modern Bushwackers are built.

I want to thank the 2001 Bushwackers for BELIEVING.

Thank you to Dena Berry for picking me up when I was down...for not trying to change who I am, but instead bring out the best in me...for being my biggest supporter and my biggest fan, but also keeping me grounded in reality...for giving selflessly to the cause of the Bushwackers, and to the cause of you and I...for doing things you never thought you could do...for being the biggest badass in such a small package...for being content with letting me shine when you know you are a rock star...for loving me unconditionally for who I am, not what I am and not what you think I could be...for saying "yes" when I asked you to marry me...for innumerable other things. Thank you. I love you.

Thank you to Bob Kidd for recruiting me, teaching me, and caring about me as a person. You're the big brother I never had, and one of the only people in the world I can talk to about absolutely anything. You take a lot of flack from people, but you are the Bushwackers. You're a big part of the success of the corps, and I hope that people recognize that.

Thank you to Kate Koeberl for being there. We've been through a lot. You're a good friend and a good person with an incredible heart. You deserve a lot more credit than you've ever received for the selfless things you've done for this corps. Regardless of what anyone else says, you rock...and your name should have been on at least one Bushwacker of the Year award.

Josh Cohen is the man. Enough said. Bushwacker of the Decade.

Thanks to BWCG06 and BWCG07 for putting "DMCK" audible in the show. Much love, y'all.


There are many other people to thank: Bob Stike, Emily Fleck (hopefully my successor), Steve Rinda, Ed Medina, HANK Manfra, Lisa Martin, Del Nevis, Gwynn Davies, Marie Kaminek, Jackie Coladonatto, JR Bechtel, Jeff Schrimmer, Jerome Kimbrough, Chris Carl, Tina Nightlinger, Jamie Coolbaugh, Joe Exley, Scott Marshman, Dennis Argul (and the whole Argul clan), Chris Hawkins, Jeff Bittner, Maria White, Jess D'Andreamatteo, Dave Minero, Jay Morlot, and on and on....I know I'll think of more very, very important people to me after I publish this post, but I can always add to this. :) If' you're offended, get over it. lol

To all Bushwackers everywhere, it has been an honor to serve you as your drum major. I had the best seat in the house for a long time, and it has been a joy. Every moment I spent with you guys is part of me, and you are all my family and a huge part of my life. I wish I could have figured out a way to be the kind of drum major I was, yet a little more approachable. That's probably my only regret. I hope that I contributed positively to your experience as a Bushwacker.

Thank you to everyone who ever cheered or booed me, to those of you who mentioned my corps and/or I positively in your online rantings...and to those of you who didn't. The point of music and art is to make you feel emotion. I've felt many in my time here...and I hope that I and the Bushwackers have contributed to your emotional portfolio.

The time has come to turn the page to the next chapter, which for me is a big deal (if you didn't guess that by reading all the stuff above). I have a show to go design and some dreams to fulfill. I hope you continue to read, and as always...feel free to contact me with any comments.

DMCK

Finals...

It's Tuesday now, and I've had sufficient time to bask in the afterglow of the 2007 DCA World Championships in Rochester, NY. It'll probably take a long time for me to be able to articulate all of the many emotions that come along with saying goodbye to a season and letting go...but here are some of my impressions of the weekend, as well as some other stuff...

First of all, this was a great weekend for the Bushwackers. From Friday until Sunday night we gave it everything we had. We made incredible improvements from even just last week! I don't know why it took this long for everything to click together (I have my theories, but no need to go into that here and now), but at least it DID click together. Some years it never does, but not 2007. We peaked and became a top to bottom DRUM CORPS...a body of individuals acting as one. It was exciting to watch this happen from my extraordinary vantage point as the drum major. I enjoyed every moment of this weekend.

Friday was a great day of rehearsal. It started a little slow, but as things got rolling along you could sense the energy and the commitment to do things right. Sets that I had never really seen before began to click...not readable...CLEAN! People began putting their understanding of marching concepts into action, and we were able to really lock down some previously unsettled and unsettling parts of the show.

Warm ups and sectionals went well, and ensemble rehearsal was amazing. We had a great run of the show, and everyone was excited going into Prelims and Finals day.

The hotel we stayed in (Quality Inn) was spectacular. It wasn't exactly conducive to loud parties and running around from room to room...but we don't exactly do that sort of stuff much anymore anyway, so it was perfect. The place was clean, they had a room cleared out so that individuals could go and practice if they wanted to. They saved all of their old towels and gave them to us to clean our horns with. They gave us the banquet room to collect uniforms and instruments in on Sunday. They were most accommodating and for that I give Quality Inn a big ol' drum major two thumbs up, with a snappy salute. Thanks!

I already wrote about Prelims. Again, I thought it was a clean, safe performance. At that point, we still had not figured out how to perform Lonely Town and Part 1 "Galop"...yes, with one "L".

Sunday was an interesting day. The corps showed up tense. It didn't take long for that to go away, though. We went right into full corps visual rehearsal (which happens less and less anymore...seems like drum lines have an aversion to learning and/or cleaning drill with horn lines and color guard. I'm not sure why, but I don't like it), and everything we had cleaned the previous 2 days was sticking wonderfully. The drill block flew by, and we went on lunch. After lunch was a great sectional block and then into ensemble.

In lieu of doing a full run through of the show, we had recently taken to working on the opener, then doing a production run of the opener. Break. Come back, work on part 2, do a production run of part 2. Etc, etc...and work our way through the show like that. It's a little less taxing, and it allows you as a performer to focus on what you need to be focusing on. We did that both Prelims day and Finals, and it worked out great. We had extra gas at the end of rehearsal, and we were focused and ready to go.

Warm up was okay...didn't seem like anything all that special to me, except that we had a pretty huge crowd watching the drums. Putting on the uniform for the last time was a little emotional. It's never easy to say goodbye to anything, much less a season full of memories and relationships. We marched to the gate where we met up with the brass and guard, and it was the first time all year that I actually could feel the anticipation and excitement of the drum corps. I miss that. I don't know where it's been lately, but I miss that feeling...the combined excitement of 100 people as you're about to enter the field of battle. You can sense that sort of thing. It's one of the things I love about drum corps, or loved about drum corps. I miss it, and I wish that it would have shown its face earlier in the year. We might have been in a different position.

Anyway, the opener was amazing. I could feel the energy from the corps, and it was the first time all year that they opened up and really performed it. After part 1, we've always been good at performing the last 2/3rds of the show, but part 1 has been where we get comfortable, calm the nerves, and then have fun and relax the rest of the show. Not tonight. When the drums and brass and pit and guard all coordinated to create that first big impact, it was drum corps euphoria for me. I was washed over by a wave of sound that nearly sent me flying off the back of the scaffolding. It was why I love being drum major. It reminded me, in that instant, of my first experience with the Bushwackers in 96.

While I had seen drum corps live before, I had never really been all that close to one. When I first came on as a rookie ADM in March of 1996, we had a stand still concert that night. I was in the audience taping it, and was absolutely blown away by the sheer power and volume that a quality drum corps can create. It's like nothing else, and that was my first experience with it.

This reminded me of that. I knew then that this would be the best show of the year. It was.

Top to bottom, it was the most solid, powerful, emotional production of 2007. It wasn't perfect...in fact, from an ensemble stand point we were probably a little more solid on Saturday night at prelims. The guard I know was upset because of one small section of the show. It didn't matter, though...the energy and performance made up for any inadequacies that we may have had. I was incredibly pleased with the show, and proud of how we ended the year.

We lined up for retreat, all knowing it was the last time some of us would ever wear the uniform. We knew that there was little chance that we'd leap anyone into the top 3, and that 4th was the most likely possibility for us. We didn't care so much about that, though...because we were satisfied with the job we had done. We collectively breathed a sigh of relief and release, and let it go. There was no disappointment when we were awarded 4th place with a score of 94.5 and change. We were a little disappointed when they mistakenly announced the wrong corps as the color guard champion...but they recanted and awarded it to us, which was exciting. The guard certainly deserved it. It's a testament to their staff and the creative minds they have. No one performed a more sophisticated, well designed, detail oriented program as the Bushwackers Color guard. Scott Marshman and his team are the best, and the Bushwackers are lucky to have them. They provided their members with a show that would give them the best chance to succeed, and the members simply performed the hell out of it. Bravo.

So, 4th place and high color guard. Not bad for a year in which many of us doubted whether we should field a corps at all! We haven't placed 4th since my first season in 96. We were disappointed then, just 3 years removed from an undefeated season and a 6th world championship in 8 years. This year there was some of that again. Falling out of the top 3 isn't exactly what many of us had in mind when we started the season, but there are so many moving parts to a drum and bugle corps that determine the success or lack thereof of the season, that it's silly to be disappointed in a placement like that. I think that, while there were many failures on every level of the organization this season, we rose to the challenge and went out there and did what Bushwackers do...FIGHT...and we ended the season with several amazing successes.

I feel satisfied.

Now it's time to focus on the future. I have band to think about, and the progress of my students. I'm getting married in a little over a year, and it's time to put more energy into that. I have a little nephew who needs as much love and attention as I can give him. There are also some other things going on in my life that I'm excited about and need to focus on. Satisfaction following a season is the best possible outcome. You can win finals and have had a bad performance and it will eat at you. Satisfaction allows you to move on, breathe some fresh air into your life, and concentrate on improving your life and have a good time doing it.

Traffic sucked on the way home. 81 is garbage.

So...that's the 2007 season. I hope you've enjoyed my blog. I've done my best to give you some truthful insight into our season from my perspective. It's been frustrating and rewarding, but many seasons for many drum corps are. This blog will stay alive, but will obviously shift focus as I get into the band season here with Archbishop Ryan and whatever else my future in the drum corps activity holds for me. Thank you, as always, for reading.

Signing off...

Chris Kilian
Drum Major
Bushwackers Drum & Bugle Corps

Prelims...

It was a great show last night. The corps was solid from top to bottom. The stadium is a little weird to perform in...kinda dead from the field level. As a spectator, though...it's great. You really hear and feel the energy and emotion coming off the corps. That's great for fans, but something to get used to for us performers. Now we can go into tonight with that in mind and just lay it out there.

The corps is marching their butts off. It's a hard drill in a lot of ways, and last night we finally executed some tough moments in the show. We're excited about the rehearsal today and the show tonight. It doesn't feel like the end, but it most certainly is. Time to lay all of our cards on the table, and hope we have a judging panel willing to give the scores we deserve.It's been a long, hard season in so many ways, but this is the way to end it. Finals weekends like this make everything that came before it worthwhile. It's my hope that we can put our season into our performance and leave it all out there as we write this final chapter.

Dinosaur BBQ was amazing last night, too. If you've never been, it's worth the trip. Holy Moses!